UNIVERSE FOR SALE
“Insanity—to have to construct a picture of one’s life, by making inquiries of others.”
Philip K Dick
“The dominant technologies of one age become the games and pastimes of a later age.”
“It is sometimes possible to change the attitudes of millions but impossible to change the attitude of one man.”
JUNE 24, 2011. HEY!
Bargain price. Five-minute money-back guarantee.
We’ll shave down your perceptual field so you can fit in with eight trillion-trillion androids.
You’ll never miss what you can’t see.
Hi, I’m Tom Smith. I’ve lived here myself for many incarnations, and I want to tell you it’s the most fun place you can imagine—especially when you can’t imagine any other universe!
Know what I mean?
On a scale from 1 to 10, your creative impulse will be coming in at about a 2. That’ll cement you right into the limited spectrum, where all the action is.
Now I know you’ve tried other universes, but this one has unique advantages. First of all, you’re a shareholder! That’s right! You’ll own .00000000000000000000009 of a point in the whole set up.
So you’ll feel the satisfaction of a genuine commitment.
Next, you’ll actually get down on your knees and pray to this universe. I know, it sounds odd, but don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. There’s a special hum you sense when you’re subjugating yourself to a “higher essence.”
Jack Boardhead of Alpha Centuri writes in and says: “I never knew how great being a complete schmuck could feel. It’s a jolt unlike any other I’ve ever experienced.”
Thanks, Jack. My regards to the wife and kids. I understand Cindi starts college in the fall. Kudos!
Yes, folks, there really is a sense of family in this universe. People liking people. We’re all in this together. Since you’re a stakeholder, you’ll be in touch with us at the home office, and we’ll be using your testimonials to sign up new residents. There’s room for everybody! If there’s one thing we’ve got, it’s space!
So act now and take advantage of our limited-time offer. Your ticket plus one. Buy one, get one free. Plus the blender, the set of cups and saucers, the booster narcosis vaccines, and the infinity pool. And since this is Tuesday, we have a special! Cemetery plots for the whole family, and storm windows! For the first five hundred callers, a special bonus. Automatic pre-diagnosis of Bipolar and free drugs for the first year!
How’s that for share and care?
Operators are standing by, so call now. If your last name begins with S, free tickets to Sea World!
Note: in unusual circumstances, we will entertain bids from a single buyer. In this case, several attractive options are available. Instant God status replete with heavenly hosts, lost-prophet-returns scenario (legend based on engraved stone cave tablets)—or you can operate as a straight absentee landlord and receive annual status reports in your villa by the sea…