Senator Al Franken: from SNL spoofer to NSA surveillance hawk

Senator Al Franken: from SNL spoofer to State surveillance hawk

by Jon Rappoport

June 11, 2013

Al used to be a funny guy. Now, he’s not.

Make no mistake about it, if Bush were president at the moment, Little Al would be attacking him mercilessly.

But with Obama in the White House, Al sings a different tune.

The NSA spying is A-OK. No problem.

I can assure you, this is not about spying on the American people.”

Thanks, Al.

There are certain things that are appropriate for me to know that are not appropriate for the bad guys to know.”

Al, you see, has been briefed. He’s bought into those “high-level” briefings. He now resides in a rarefied elite atmosphere. If Senator Al says NSA is good, it must be.

If you believe him, I’ve got condos for sale on Jupiter.

Al even thinks it’s appropriate for the Justice Dept. to investigate Ed Snowden, the NSA leaker. Well sure, Al’s Mr. Establishment these days, and Snowden defected.

Al used to have a bullshit detector. Now, bullshit is detecting him as an easy mark.

Who in his right mind would believe a bunch of CIA and NSA guys sitting in a room explaining and justifying their own spying programs?

Is there any chance these cold-fish bureaucrats would do a mea culpa? They’re looking for more budget dollars. They’re looking to avoid any possible criticisms of their plots and operations. They’re professionals paid to lie.

So they’re going to paint the war on terror in the most dire terms possible. They’re going to tell stories and make it up. They’re going to give gullible and grasping senators the impression they’re privy to real insider material.

They’re going to say, “Now you’re in the Club. You know secrets. You know the truth the public must be protected from, because the public would be frightened. But you guys, you senators, you can handle the truth…”

Al’s sitting there in the room, and he poised half-way between buying what the intell boys are selling and knowing he wants to protect his president and his party.

It’s a sucker’s game. Al has gone for it. Willingly.

On SNL, Al, as Stuart Smalley, the pathetic rainbow self-help psycho, used to look in the mirror and say, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.”

Well, now Al IS Stuart Smalley, but with a new tough-guy exterior. He’s a little man of steel, protecting the nation from the bad guys. He’s on the inside, with the big boys. And they like him.

So, Stuart, I’ve written a thing for you about surveillance of citizens that falls in line with your New Age sentiments. I hope it helps you in the days ahead:

Exit From the Matrix

It’s wonderful to be spied on: I feel like a real citizen.

I tell you, this is great. Why be anonymous when you can attract the attention of the government? It’s a dream come true. They care. They really do.

Everyone deserves to be noticed.

If I start to do something that isn’t normal, I can stop and say to myself: “Would the government, watching me, approve of this?” And then an answer will come.

No, don’t do that.”

We’re all movie stars now because we’re being watched. Don’t blow your nose and then look at the Kleenex in a restaurant.

We’re comedians, too, all of us, because government employees are watching us and laughing. We’re entertaining them. We’re funny. We’re a hit.

We’re all happy. That’s the main thing. The right people are watching us, and we can feel safe. That’s why we have the Department of Homeland Security. They do whatever it takes. If it snows an inch in North Dakota in July, they’ll send agents to the scene, to find out what’s going on. They’ll make sure the snow plows are working.

The new test for a good citizen is: he accepts being spied on.

There should be a special app you can tap to confess your sins and misdeeds. What you say goes right into a government file. I think a lot of people would like that.

Broadcast it on television, too. People will line up to have their chance. We’ve got C-Span. But we need C-NSA. Go before the cameras and spill your guts. It’s good for the soul.

Last night, I was on the phone with my cousin, and I said I was sick and tired of my ex-wife badgering me about our divorce settlement. That was wrong. I shouldn’t have demeaned my ex to my cousin. I want to go on the record and apologize to my family, friends, and co-workers. I will seek counseling. I want a better world.”

I bought a toy gun for my son last year. How foolish of me! What was I thinking? Toy guns are a gateway drug. Last night, I took the family out into the back yard and we burned the gun in a garbage can. I feel a lot better now. Thank you, C-NSA. I fervently hope my son’s brain isn’t permanently warped. Time will tell. In the meantime, we’ve enrolled him in a three-year training seminar: Reprogramming the Young Mind, Post-Trauma.”

But you know, as much as we try to correct our mistakes, we aren’t perfect. And that’s where the government comes in. My only concern is there isn’t enough surveillance.

That’s why I’ve built a frame for a small video camera. The camera is mounted in the frame, which I wear around my neck and shoulders. Wherever I go, whatever I do or say, the camera is looking at me and recording.

Every day, I email the video file to NSA. I hope others will adopt this practice. If government is helping us, we should help it. We’re all in this together.

There isn’t any “us versus them.” That’s an illusion fostered by those who wish to divide us. United we stand in the New Age.

Surveillance is an initiation. Some people can’t make the grade. They go negative. They feel compelled to criticize the government. Courage, as Hemingway wrote, is grace under pressure. This is how heroes are forged.

We can all be heroes by assisting the government. It wants us to do well. It wants us to succeed. It likes us.

I don’t hear any poor people objecting to being spied on. They’re too busy trying to eke out a living. Why should we, who can afford the time to consider this issue, separate ourselves from the poor? In a drug store, on a bus, in a car, walking down the street, in an office, in our homes, let’s celebrate the safety that comes with knowing we are watched.

Try smiling for no reason at all. Let employees of the NSA know you’re happy to have them there with you. Occasionally, flash them the peace sign. You might even try talking to them.

Ask them if they’re having a good time. Say, “I hope you’re doing well. It’s a wonderful day in the neighborhood.” Or, “How’s the family? Would you like a hot meal? If you let me know where you are, I might know someone who lives nearby. They can bring it to you. Do you like pot roast?”

I’m having shirts monogrammed with the NSA seal below the pocket.

I do have one suggestion, vague as it must be, since I don’t posses knowledge about the various forms surveillance takes:

Feedback. I believe earnest citizens would like to see and hear what the NSA hears and sees of them.

How wonderful it would be to awaken in the morning to a packet of surveillance on one’s self.

There you are, crossing the street, entering a cafe, talking on the phone, as you appear to NSA (by whom I mean, of course, all the agencies who watch over us).

We could thus begin a kind of dialogue with our watchers. Back and forth, back and forth; who knows where it would lead?

I call it open secrecy, a paradox to be sure, but just the type that would crack the egg of a combative society as it transforms itself into a higher evolutionary substance.

Some day, perhaps we could even watch the NSA watching us.

Then, truly, we would breathe together. Made new in collective consciousness.

How do you like that, Stuart? Isn’t it an illustration of self-help, self-improvement, as we seek to love being spied on?

Jon Rappoport

The author of two explosive collections, THE MATRIX REVEALED and EXIT FROM THE MATRIX, Jon was a candidate for a US Congressional seat in the 29th District of California. Nominated for a Pulitzer Prize, he has worked as an investigative reporter for 30 years, writing articles on politics, medicine, and health for CBS Healthwatch, LA Weekly, Spin Magazine, Stern, and other newspapers and magazines in the US and Europe. Jon has delivered lectures and seminars on global politics, health, logic, and creative power to audiences around the world. You can sign up for his free emails at

This entry was posted in Spygate.

20 comments on “Senator Al Franken: from SNL spoofer to NSA surveillance hawk

  1. hammerbag says:

    I have long wondered why Franken’s co-host on Air America quit her job. I suspected it was that Franken was a bit sexpiggy on the air. Still wondering. He was mose definitely a sexpig on the air, though.

  2. That frame around your neck with a video camera is the new Google Glass… coming as soon as they can get everyone to buy into the bullshit.

  3. SD says:

    Great article. I think that the marriage of Google-glasses and the NSA is the perfect combination for our new surveillance state. Mr. Schmidt is a true entrepreneur and man of great vision. Mr. Franken I’m sure will be at the head of the line to get his custom (elite only) super set.

  4. ask? says:

    Collectivism and Communes make everyone happy like Star Trek.
    Then we can all live together like one big UN Utopian family.

  5. Bobby says:

    All I can say about Jon’s conclusions on Franken is, he’s dead right. It blows my mind, how utterly hypocritical these leftists are in almost every issue they used to right criticize Bush over. Nothing else to say really.

  6. Jimbo says:

    Israhell is behind all this NWO spying.Other tribal members like Al Franken and Diane Feinstein are complicit with AIPAC,Mossad controls
    NSA,CIA, nauseam. We live in the REAL matrix!

  7. K says:

    Very funny Jon.
    Happy faces… for our Fathers…

  8. I listened to Al on Air America and bought into his persona, but reading his comments on the NSA I can now see he is indeed drinking the Kool-Aid. He probably thinks Bradley Manning is guilty of something as well. I guess they’re choosing up sides but this is good for the political discourse. Left and Right, Dem and GOP aren’t the dividing lines anymore, now it’s down to US vs THEM!

  9. Anonymous says:

    Great spoof.
    Damn Franken frakin Furslugginer .

  10. amerikagulag says:

    Al Franken is a tribe member. Israel is doing the spying for the NSA and turning the data over to them (after they’ve gleaned everything they want from it) They are Israeli companies doing the dirty work. Why should we expect Mr. Franken to speak otherwise about his most favored nation?

    I find it odd that NSA wants a copy of every phone call I’ve made since before Israel did 911, but i can’t see a real birth certificate on Obama. Something’s not right.

  11. farang says:


    In exactly what way is Franken a “leftist”, because Fox News said so? Hahaha, YOU are another of the BIG problems facing America: too ignorant to realize Democrats and Republicans are BOTH FASCIST…ONE PARTY. In fact, you ASSIST them in their “divide and conquer” tactics with your blazing lack of awareness.

  12. talesfromthelou says:

    Reblogged this on Talesfromthelou's Blog and commented:
    Halfway through Jon gives a few tips on dealing with the NSA

  13. Kevin Watts says:

    Can I get you a hot meal? Omg, Jon…this is the funniest shit yet. Yes yes YES!!!

  14. Anonymous says:

    Of course Franken supports letting the NSA do anything they want. The NSA showed him a few highlights from the file they’re keeping on him.

  15. Major William Martin says:

    Is this because, “He’s Good enough, Smart enough and dog-gone-it… I Like me?
    Meanwhile… Obama’s Treason continues as he arms and supplies money to the very Al Qaeda that has brought us 11 years of Wars and the deaths of thousands of Americans’. Killed by these Al Qaeda.
    Source: k7ktr. com/treason.html

  16. fromawaysite says:

    How is this all going to end? I am in the Fall of my life but fear for the children of today. So many sheep including friends, too busy with their lives, The X Factor, Dancing With The Stars, Celebrity, swallowing daily propaganda by the presstitudes to notice the collapse of society around them. I think of the Father I never met who was a Polish Engineer, escaped the Nazis, fled to Canada and worked with the Allies and returned several times into occupied Poland to smuggle out teachers, scientists, doctors to help rebuild the country after the war. On one trip he never returned, no trace, vanished like millions before. Either Russian or German captured him and asked the question, “papers please”.

    We have become a society of cowardice. When I watched the people of Boston let militaristic police enter their homes, automatic weapons at bay, hands up, Obey! Obey!, later that evening the youth of Boston, in the streets, chanting, USA,USA,USA, my heart sank.

  17. Afshin Nejat says:

    I never liked Mr. Franken(stein). Ever. Even when he was Jack Handy…

    “And dog gone it, Sheople like me!”

  18. Dee says:

    Sad and unbelievable as it may sound, there are a lot of people who just don’t have the intellect to realize that not everything the government does is innocuous, or that the people who work in these programs may have less than honorable intentions.

    The fact is the American government is full of criminals and those criminals have been hiring other criminal scum for decades. These people are not to be trusted with your personal information!

    People of conscience (and true humanity) like Edward Snowden are a dime a dozen in places like that. What the mindless govt drones who work for these programs don’t know is they’ll be thrown under the bus as soon as their masters deem them obsolete; it’s a lose-lose situation, really. Just look at SEAL Team 6 for starters?

  19. This reminds me of recent news of the VA [Veterans Administration] buying a drug that its own researchers found to be junk – it doesn’t work! That was just for a mere $700M, no big deal, so the VA made the purchase anyway. The deal stank to high heaven but no one investigated, nobody cared. Most likely some politicians got bribed but who is going to know? Where is the FBI, the police when you need them, huh? That was a government purchase that was done in the open, under the noses of the VA IG and the various veterans organizations. Now we have this NSA system that is supposed to be so secret that no one knew about it until Snowden made us know of its existence. The government must be paying for this system in the hundreds of billions of dollars per year, but the acquisition was so secret that no one, not even the system acquisition team, will ever know for sure what the price tag really is. But I can live with that – my CinC [Commander in Chief] tells me that it is for my protection so who am I to question the price? It’s just money and we can print that much in a day. What bothers me is that I may be entrusting my life and my family’s on a system so vast, so impossible to monitor, in every second of the day (Snowden has proven this) that something evil for sure could slip through its security. The scary thing is that there is only one way to find out: when America opens its eyes but finds out that it is too late to care.

  20. Muhjiro says:

    I wonder if someone has dirt on Al Franken, so he’s going along with it so it doesn’t get revealed? If so he should come clean on TV and demand others do the same.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s