The President’s android
by Jon Rappoport
June 1, 2014
Hello Jim. Just got back off the road. Wow. Arizona, the desert…huge dome rising up out of an oasis. Casino City. I didn’t have time to look the whole thing over. The band had six shows in two days.
So on the second day, the President arrives! They clear out the lobby of the hotel. What a scene. Anyway, a few hours later in the bar, I meet one of his Secret Service people, Porter, and he tells me he’s an android.
I thought he was playing with me, but then he showed me his brain for a few seconds. He can make his head go transparent. You just look inside.
The guy was very smooth in conversation. You couldn’t tell the difference. I asked him if his brain had a phone. I was just kidding around, but then he asked me if I wanted to make a call.
So I had him get in touch with that Asian doctor in Hong Kong, the guy we used when Bobby got sick on the tour a few years ago. The doc answered. I mean, I was talking to Porter’s head and reception was clear as a bell.
The doc and I chatted for a few minutes. Remember he had an electronic transmitter that broadcast the acupuncture frequencies right into the body? Well, he sent a burst through Porter into me. I could feel it. And Porter was cool. He just “got out of the way” and let it pass through him. Weird!
Porter and I had a few drinks. He told me he’s hooked up to three satellites plus a ground-based system, for redundancy. That’s how he gets all his orders.
His salary is in pleasure units. Every Friday, for a half-hour, they stimulate a center in his brain. At first, when he came from the lab, new-born, they had to make adjustments. The pleasure sensation took him into overload. But now he’s fine.
No muss, no fuss. He doesn’t have sex. That cuts out a whole lot of wasted time. They just give him the experience.
He filled me in on a new development. The President is supporting rights for androids. Not just a union, but some kind of declaration. There’s a hate-speech provision. A really bad slur against an android, you can face jail time.
Porter says he doesn’t care what people say about him, but get this. They’re going to reprogram all androids so they do care!
Porter told me he has this friend in Chicago. The guy loves him. He wants to live with Porter. It’s a sticky situation because of Porter’s job, but people at the National Institutes of Health are researching the relationship. I mean, they’re interested in the mechanics of human-android attachment. They want to develop algorithms that encourage the bond.
You can talk to Porter about anything. He’s hooked up to a big brain somewhere. It’s a library. We chatted about old movies, the Yankees and the Dodgers, and even my ex.
He accessed a file on her. She’s living in Atlanta now. Married a botany professor. They have a daughter. She’s off the booze. No DUIs in the past four years. There was some kind of cancer scare. She went into the hospital and they did a biopsy. The tumor was benign. So the next summer, as a celebration, her old man took her to the Greek islands. She ended up having a one-night stand with a sailor on a cruise. She and her hubby had a big blowout. But they smoothed things over. I guess he was a little slow on the draw. When they got home, he did some reprogramming and now he’s apparently a stud in the sack.
I learned from Porter that she called my mother last year. They talked about what it would take for us to reconcile. You know, as friends. My mother told her I was seeing Gloria, so that put an end to that. She and Gloria never got along.
This Porter dude. I mean, he lives an ideal life. No problems. He’s satisfied all the time. Could they make a human into an android? I asked him. Get this. He told me that’s the frontier of the research. If they work it out, you’ll be able to walk into a clinic, sign up, and receive a series of transplants. At first, it’ll only be for terminal patients. No way to save them, so shift them. They’ll come out healthy androids.
Speaking of which, Porter told me there’s an actress who’s about to come out. He wouldn’t say who, but she’s going to make an announcement. She’s an android. Porter says it’ll be a major step forward.
The studio that has her under contract is working out a deal with the White House. They want to coordinate the publicity.
So that started me thinking. Billy’s pretty serious about leaving the band. He hates the road. Suppose we got an android bass player to replace him? You know, at first we wouldn’t say anything. Then, after a while, we’d leak it. We’d get fantastic coverage. And people would see it as a novelty item. Of course we’d claim it’s all very normal. We’d defend our android against any attacks.
Porter said he’d help us, for the cause. Try to defray some of the expenses with a federal grant. The going rate for an android is somewhere around a million bucks.
I’m about to meet with Porter and one of his pals, who works for the CIA. We’ll brainstorm about the whole “human-machine” thing. How do we convince our fans that an android bass player isn’t just a high-grade sample machine, pre-programmed to play set lines?
I’m fairly confident that if we hit the android-rights thing hard, our audience will get on our side. You know, androids are alive, just like us. They have feelings. They deserve a place in the sun.
That PR guy in Washington, Sloane, we worked with last year, when Joe freaked out on meth and tried to burn down the bodega in Palm Springs? He’s a sharp cookie. I’m sure he’ll have some great ideas. Matter of fact, I’m going to turn Porter on to him. For the whole android political-movement thing.
Okay, gotta go. I really feel like the band is ready to take a step up. You should have been there for the San Francisco concert. It was a killer. The audience went nuts. We just need more people in the seats, and this new bass player could be the answer. Picture it. Up on stage, half-way through the first tune, he suddenly turns his brain transparent and everybody flips out…
PS Just got back from my meeting with Porter and his buddy. Turns out the buddy’s with DARPA, not CIA. From what I can gather, the CIA, DARPA, and NSA are taking the position that we’re all the same. There’s really no difference between humans and androids. The only distinction is in the kind of programming that runs the brain. The one roadblock to selling this to the public is a knotty little thing called freedom. So that idea has to be wiped out. Instead, it’s all about happiness and satisfaction, and that’s a matter of which algorithms you run on. Install one set of algorithms and you feel this way, install another set and you feel that way. It’s beautiful. I’m really getting excited about all this. I feel like I’m entering a new world. We’re on the cutting edge. The transgender business that’s so popular now? The DARPA guy told me that was just a preparatory step to soften people up for the main event: androidism. I have a feeling it’s connected to depopulation, because you can’t re-fit a billion humans as androids who live more or less indefinitely, without bringing on some serious overcrowding problems. But hey, what the hell do I know? I just want to play music and be happy. Find a good woman, get rich, and build my boat. Maybe this is why I’ve been so screwed up with relationships. All this time, I’ve been waiting for an android wife. And an android me. Think about it, man. How’d you like to wake up every morning with no worries, no problems? Do you know ANYBODY who’d refuse to opt in to a system like that?
The author of three explosive collections, THE MATRIX REVEALED, EXIT FROM THE MATRIX, and POWER OUTSIDE THE MATRIX, Jon was a candidate for a US Congressional seat in the 29th District of California. He maintains a consulting practice for private clients, the purpose of which is the expansion of personal creative power. Nominated for a Pulitzer Prize, he has worked as an investigative reporter for 30 years, writing articles on politics, medicine, and health for CBS Healthwatch, LA Weekly, Spin Magazine, Stern, and other newspapers and magazines in the US and Europe. Jon has delivered lectures and seminars on global politics, health, logic, and creative power to audiences around the world. You can sign up for his free emails at www.nomorefakenews.com