Pope Francis speaks with God

Pope Francis speaks with God

conversation highlights

by Jon Rappoport

September 27, 2015

(To read about Jon’s mega-collection, Power Outside The Matrix, click here.)

The Pope was sitting in his Popemobile bubble outside the UN. He was eating a Twix and looking over his speech notes when the phone rang. He picked up.

Pope: Yes?

God: It’s God, Francis. What’s happening down there?

Pope: What, no hello, how are you doing?

God: Cut the crap. Is the UN buying your end-poverty-hunger-global warming pitch?

Pope: Of course. The UN, Obama, and I are on the same page. That’s why I’m here in New York. You think I’d visit this place otherwise? Looks like they won’t even let me go see the Mets.

God: No blowback so far? What you’re selling is very thin, you know. High-flying rhetoric, no specifics.

Pope: High-flying rhetoric is what I do. We’ve talked about this before.

God: Yeah, but if you were really serious about poverty, you’d offer a plan, a pilot project for one African country, a test case. Nobody is pointing that out? Clean up the contaminated water supplies, give back stolen farm land to the people?

Pope: Not a peep about it.

God: Nothing on the Internet?

Pope: I don’t read the Internet.

God: What about Obama? What are your impressions?

Pope: On the surface, he seems clueless. But he’s on board.

God: On board with what?

Pope: Rockefeller, Brzezinski.

God: I spoke with David R last night. He seemed a little worried. When he’s worried, so am I.

Pope: Look, G, the media are saying nothing about Globalism. We’re good. Jobs have been leaving the industrialized countries for decades. It’s nothing new. You know, open up new factories in Third World hellholes, pay the workers three cents an hour, dispense with environmental regs. Millions of jobs lost back at home. It’s SOP.

God: And nobody is saying the whole Globalist operation is a cause of poverty?

Pope: Nobody cares about poverty or unemployment in industrialized countries. The story line is all about poverty in Africa and Asia. Again, we’ve talked this through before.

God: That quote of yours is getting more play these days.

Pope: Which one? I’m a quote machine.

God: “I want a poor church for the poor.”

Pope: Not a problem.

God: No? The church has assets worth, what, a hundred trillion dollars? And collection plates keep filling up.

Pope: People expect rich leaders to talk about ending poverty. It’s perfectly acceptable. You know: “I made it and now I’m going to give back.”

God: Yeah. Well, the history of how the church “made it” is pretty damning.

Pope: Where have you been, G? History is passe.

God: What year is it down there?

Pope: You’re kidding, right?

God: I’ve got a lot on my plate. It’s easy to lose track.

Pope: Take a guess.

God: 1975.

Pope: You’re hilarious. Try 2015.

God: I wasn’t that far off. A century down there is like a minute up here.

Pope: Yeah, sure. This is me you’re talking to, G. Don’t give me that space-time continuum jive.

God: Anyway, I’ve got pressure on me from the Corporate Board. They want more poverty and hunger and chaos.

Pope: Patience. Things are working out.

God: In case you’ve forgotten, the church does best when times are worst. That’s the whole thrust of the current op. Drive the world back into the Middle Ages. Disease, pestilence, poverty, rampant crime, all the usual horrors. That’s the greatness of the church. It knows how to make hay in that environment. Better than anyone else.

Pope: I’m well aware, G. Well aware. I’m a Jesuit, remember? Who thought up this whole op centuries ago? Listen, are you okay?

God: Nothing I can’t handle.

Pope: Because it sounds like you’re slipping.

God: The Corporate Board is worried about blowback on the church. See, this isn’t the Middle Ages. It was one thing to introduce rampant chaos when all the people had were bows and arrows and stones and catapults. But now…I was just reading a weapons catalog the other day. Wow. It’s ridiculous. The firepower. Some of these crazies—

Pope: I get the point. We’re okay. We’re covered. Are you still seeing your shrink?

God: He put me on Lithium for Bipolar. I’ve gained thirty pounds.

Pope: I see. And you were pretty heavy to begin with.

God: I’m roly-poly now. It’s not a good image. I just started on Valproate. I get these blinding headaches.

Pope: You want a suggestion? Find a good psychiatrist and have him slowly withdraw you from the drugs. Don’t stop them all at once, whatever you do. It could be catastrophic. Then, when you’re clean, get a medical card and switch to pot.

God: Hmm. Wouldn’t want that story to get out.

Pope: Did you see my speech to the US Congress the other day? 130 Representatives and Senators are Catholics.

God: I watched a few minutes. Your accent is thick. I had trouble understanding you. What did Obama say about it?

Pope: He was happy. You know, he’s a devout Christian…

God: Yeah. And I’m a Zoroastrian.

Pope: If we can put this carbon tax piece together with the global warming piece and the poverty and hunger piece, we could hit paydirt. Create all kinds of planetary disruption.

God: But I don’t see any real signs of progress there. All I hear is a lot of words.

Pope: Slow and steady. America is the biggest obstacle. That’s why I’m here. And you know Hilary and Jeb are waiting in the wings. They’ll pick up from where Obama left off. Either one of them.

God: What about Trump?

Pope: Don’t worry. When the time comes, he’ll get his share of scandals. The press is loading up. The ducks are in a row. We’ve had reporters on the pad for years. They’ll do what they’re told.

God: I talked to Hillary last week.

Pope: What did she say?

God: She called me honey. Can you believe it?

Pope: I hear she has health problems.

God: Put it this way. If she knew she was going to drop dead her first day in office, she’d still run for President. The woman’s a wolverine.

Pope: If Obama has any concerns, they’re about these upcoming Globalist trade treaties he’s pushing. The TPP, the TTIP. People might start catching on that he’s ushering in deeper poverty. Which, of course, he is.

God: He’s got his marching orders. He knows why he was put in as President. He can’t turn back.

Pope: He doesn’t want to turn back. He’s just skittish about exposure.

God: All he has to do is keeping saying the treaties are a great deal for everyone. He’s good at saying the same thing over and over. Broad brush strokes, empty homilies.

Pope: We’ve got a high wall at Vatican City.

God: I was going to talk to you about that. Not a good look for you. And your immigration policy comes off like zero tolerance.

Pope: We may have to let in a couple of migrant families and showcase their sympathetic stories. Of course, we’d vet them to make sure they’re docile.

God: Don’t mess it up. What’s new on the pedophile priest front?

Pope: More hush money to victims. Priest relocations. We sent one guy to a little chapel in the north of Alaska. He’s locked down. The whole pedophile thing is a disaster, of course, but, traditionally, proximity to young boys has been a strong selling point to applicants for the priesthood.

God: I don’t want any connection made between pedo-priests and other pedo-networks.

Pope: We’re on it.

power outside the matrix

God: All in all, Francis, I can’t say I’m happy so far with your term in office. It’s shaky. You’re vulnerable.

Pope: Do I need to remind you that you’re getting a considerable cut of our action just for sitting in your suite at the Heaven Hilton? You don’t have to lift a finger. The money keeps rolling in.

God: About that, Francis. For the past three years, my gross from your operation has been declining significantly.

Pope: Our 1.2 billion members are the exclusive result of our promotional work. Without us, you might be living in a small condo.

God: You work for me.

Pope: So you claim. Feel free to keep fostering that delusion. In case you’ve forgotten, church members can only approach you indirectly, through our priests. We own the pipeline.

God: Another conversation for another time.

Pope: That’s what a cartel does. It builds and maintains a pipeline.

God: Stay safe, Francis.

Pope: What’s that supposed to mean?

God: Whatever you want it to mean. You’re the Pope.

Jon Rappoport

The author of three explosive collections, THE MATRIX REVEALED, EXIT FROM THE MATRIX, and POWER OUTSIDE THE MATRIX, Jon was a candidate for a US Congressional seat in the 29th District of California. He maintains a consulting practice for private clients, the purpose of which is the expansion of personal creative power. Nominated for a Pulitzer Prize, he has worked as an investigative reporter for 30 years, writing articles on politics, medicine, and health for CBS Healthwatch, LA Weekly, Spin Magazine, Stern, and other newspapers and magazines in the US and Europe. Jon has delivered lectures and seminars on global politics, health, logic, and creative power to audiences around the world. You can sign up for his free NoMoreFakeNews emails here or his free OutsideTheRealityMachine emails here.

24 comments on “Pope Francis speaks with God

  1. gökmen says:

    Nothing would be able to expose the scam better than this piece. Amazing, thank you mr. Rappoport.

    • JL Pitt says:

      One needs to substitute the name Satan for the name God in the above article.

      • sedatedprincess4 says:

        That’s exactly what I was thinking the whole time! Great piece Jon. I’d like to share it but God being “in on the evil” with the Pope kind of ruins the raw truth part of it.

  2. From Québec says:

    An hour later…..

    Dring Dring Dring!… God picked up the phone

    Pope: God, we are in deep, deep trouble.

    God: What do you mean?

    Pope: Well the NSA has been listening to our phone call.

    God: So what? They are on our side, no?

    Pope: Sure, that is not the problem. The NSA just phoned me to let me know that there are two guys on the Internet that have figured out our plot.

    God: Who are they?

    Pope: If I recall well, one is called Jon something, and the other one is Jones… Alex Jones, I believe.

    God: Nah! Don’t worry about Alex Jones. This guy is well known to be a real trouble maker for the NWO. The CIA has been on his case for years already, they have worked hard to discredit him with all sorts of disinformation on the Internet. I heard, they will frame him very soon. But I sure would like to know who is that Jon something. Please, try to remember his last name.

    Pope: Well, I’m not sure, I was so shocked, I think they didn’t tell me his last name. All I can remember is that they told me that he makes reports… not sure… it sounded more like rapport… honestly, I don’t have a clue.

    God: Well, you better get your butt out of your Popemobile and find out who this guy is.

    Pope: Sure, I’ll call you back as soon as I know who he is.


  3. Greg O. says:


    Yes, Bergoglio’s whole schtick to Congress was Globalist talking points. Christian/Catholic doctrine, the Great Commission, you know, the whole (supposed) reason for the Pope’s existence? Not so much.

    Globalist […] tool.

    BTW, where’s all the Leftist screeching about the separation of church and state? Oh that’s right, It’s okay as long as it serves the agenda.

  4. Lesha Martin says:

    This piece would make Mark Twain stand up and applaud! ! !

  5. calvinistnot says:

    Catholic doctrine amazingly has pronounced Popes are infallible and are Christ’s representative on earth, a doctrine that should leave all true Christians screaming from the rooftops…
    When this Pope dies and goes to his proper reward, he’ll be on his knees in front of God begging for mercy….alas, there will be an especially hot place in Hell for this antiChrist unless he repents and seeks the true God Jesus Christ before he dies…
    NOTE: In all his Socialist New Age doctrine, he never once, that I can find, mentions the name of Jesus christ

    • Rockie says:

      calvinistnot, I guess you missed the speech he gave when he announced to the world that the C.C. had it all wrong these last two thousand years because there is no such place as a hell. I guess he considers that his penance and now believes he will go to heaven.

  6. omanuel says:

    Thanks, Jon, for a great report. Far more credible than anything coming from mainstream news media.

    Is it possible that tyrants do not want to admit that another power actually controls the Earth? That seems to be the case ever since Copernicus found that the Sun controls planet Earth in 1543!

  7. Kevin Scott King says:

    Excellent post Jon. Funny and sobering. And we all know this basic conversation has taken place. The only question I have is who is playing God?

  8. Michael Burns says:

    God: Stay safe, Francis.

    Pope: What’s that supposed to mean?

    God: Whatever you want it to mean. You’re the pope.

    *The Pope sits back on the red velour rear seat of the popemobile bubble he looks to his security man outside of window, looks back to the driver, in the front seat…after an extended and agonizing moment, Francis grimaces and a long and squeeky fart breaks the silence. The driver turns around to face his Francis.*

    Driver: Your oliness is there something wrong…papa!

    Pope: Fuck!..what was that we stopped and ate, some GMO grease burger…its givin me gas and I gotta speak at the U N and I got the farts.

    *another squeekier sound and the Pope winds down his driver window and speaks to his security man*

    Pope: Jezus Mary and jumping unicorns… How long before I speak ?

    Security man: I think it’s about 45 minutes your oliness. Do you need..something….papa?

    Pope: Can you find me some kombucha or something, I got gas like a cow…can’t be dropping stinkers in the UN during my speech.

    *The Pope winds his window up and speaks demanding to his driver.*

    Pope: Hand me that phone!

    Driver: Yes your papa

    *The driver hands Pope Francis the car phone. Francis snatches the phone out of the driver’s hand.*

    Pope: I thought I told you two not to call me papa in public…

    *Francis starts punching numbers into the handset, muttering under his breath in a whiny pretentious South American accent*

    Pope: Stay safe, Francis..Stay safe…1-8-8-8-666-6-6-6…6.

    *Francis rests back in his seat and a final tiny squeak is heard…Phone ringing…boop-boop…boop-boop…after a prolonged period of ringing a rough and raspy, leathery and whispery voice answers the phone*

    Lucifer: Allo…wuz up?

    Pope: Lou!…Is that you, you sound rough.

    *coughs, sounds like a cat hacking up a furr-ball…a final gasp..and then a long burp.*

    Lucifer: Franny is that you.

    Pope: Yeah Lou, how ya been?

    Lucifer: Aw you know.. been down, a little down, miss the old days… me and the boys been on a bender since last week…yourself Franny?

    Pope: Aw, good Lou…good…just about to speak at the ah.. ah the U N…I had a bad lunch…gas ya know. Gotta stop eatin that crap we feed them. Listen ah, is the Old Man alright?

    Lucifer: Is the ole man alright!…Of course he is, he’s the dude isn’t he…the chairman, the head banana, the honcho, the big Kahuna, the big dog…waz-up-Franny. You sound a little…twitchy. You twitching Franny man. Speakin of twitchin…you should see this little demon we got down here Franny, she-a-tomalee, she twitches, twerks like that little gal…that little singer…help me out Franny?

    Pope: Miley Cyrus!

    Lucifer: Yeah!…Miley Cyrus…she like Miley only she got scales and two of the cutest little horns ya ever did see. And when she twerks Franny she got this little tail…flicks like a cat’s. In that cute. Next time by Franny, we’ll let ya have a run at her.
    Your speech gotya nervous Francis.

    Pope: Nah!…just got-gas, ya know ate a bad burger. I dunno what da fuck it was. Listen…Lou, I was just talkin to the old man and he ah…ah…he said something that ah…kinda threw me a bit.

    Lucifer: Yeah…heheh, what dee say Franny.

    Pope: He said dah…He said ah..Stay safe, Francis.”

    *A sound came over the phone reminiscent of a bull-moose in heat, in blend with donkey sounds, followed by a sort of barking, howling and laughter in the background. Lucifer after a long a deep raspy gaspy laugh*

    Lucifer: Stay safe, Francis….hah…he’s just rubbin yer onion Franny.

    Pope: Well, he’s on…yah know he is on Valproate. Didya know that? That stuff is weird, there have been reports of suicides, and homicides and weird stuff from people taking that crap up here, I mean, I hear from my broker on my Pharma stock. I heard one guy on Valproate, ran over his cat with a steam-roller and then fried it up for breakfast… for wife and kids.
    Is the old man, is he ok.

    *raspy laughing, cough and the hacking up furrball sound again.*

    Lucifer: Fanny, Franny-Franny. He’s ok, whaaat, ya think he’s gonna go postal onyah Franster.

    Pope: No. Just worried about him, ya know. Does he smoke weed Lou?

    Lucifer: I know he grows good weed! I mean it’s all over the freekin planet isn’t it. Yeah he hoots…he gotta bong…a big bong. That’s were we buy Fran…the boys and me; grows a Maui wowee that twist your shorts right a round. What! Ya think he would create a great plant like that and not try it out. His shit sweet man. Yah wants me talk to him Franny and getya a Oh-Zee for ya.

    *Francis in a quiet and meek voice*

    Pope: No, I’m ok Lou, I just ah..I was just worried about his Bi-polar thing, ya know, and his weight gain. He told me he is thirty ponds over weight. How come I didn’t notice that.

    Lucifer: Yeah…he gets the munchies. Listen Franny what bugging ya, really son.

    Pope: Well its the corporate board thing…ya know, the blowback and his blinding headaches, and the weight, and the Valproate. I’m worried, he wouldn’t end the world again would he? Or.. or ah…or ah, take me out would he?

    *Rip roaring laughter from what sounds like many voices, donkey sounds, comes loudly over the Pope’s phone, guffaws and cackles. After the laughter dies down, Francis speaks.*

    Pope: Lou what are all those people laughing at…Lou?

    Lucifer: AhaHah…People Franny! There’s no people down here. Just all us little demons and devils. And the cutest little twerker.

    *More laughing and cackling and wolf howls.*

    Lucifer: Ah Franny ya crack me up. Yeah I gotcha on speaker phone. The boys and me are hoisting a few and smokin a few bombers. Franny you are the funniest Pope we have ever had dude. I mean the Medicis…now they were funny fuckers; poisonings, debauchery, killing each other, doin things with animals, they made pedophilia an artform. You name it Fran, they had us laughin for decades. They were funny…but you. Your are the cat’s meow Francis. Ya gotta lighten up Fran, you got speech in few minutes here, stop worryiiing.

    Pope: He talks to Hillary ya know…

    Lucifer: We don’t talk to her Franny, when she comes over…we spank her…she likes that..she’s….

    Pope: Is he unhappy about his cut? He’s a bit evasive.This ‘poor church for the poor campaign’ is he thinkin of cut-backs down here. Am I gonna lose any of my benefits or something? He thinks it’s 1975 down here, does he fry his eggs on an aluminum frying pan cause that causes Alzheimer’s ya know. He talking too about how he worried about David R.
    David R doesn’t really talk to me; sometimes I feel I am outta the loop Lou…like I have been workin my ass off on this poverty and hunger and mayhem and global warming thing. And poor church stuff.
    Sometimes I think your my only friend Lou. Listen I gotta go real quick, so…

    Lucifer: Franny, I’m yer bud. I love ya man. I told ya you’re the best. That Ratzy thing, I mean that old son-a-bitch almost cost us big time…the pedophilia stuff; his Nazi Youth thing, him steppin down and you having to take over so quickly, people wonder when a pope doesn’t die in office. Me being Vice-president of deceit and chicanery…it was tough for a while Franster; people were waking up. Yuda man Franny. Stop worrying…Listen take a couple of Tums, pop a beaner, have a sip of mineral water, you’ll be good for your speech Francis…me ole son.

    Pope: Yeah yer right Lou, thanks. I gotta go. Listen are we on for friday night poker at my place, with the big fella… after the virgin sacrifice.

    Lucifer: You got it Fran man. Friday night; listen we’re not doin the virgin thing, I think it’s torture week, anyways…I will talk to him. He’s got a lot on his plate. This actually will give him giggle though. He’ll like this.

    Pope: Lou don’t tell everything…don’t tell him about the end of the world stuff, or my thoughts on his mental state. That’s between me and you, isn’t it??

    *More raucous laughter, cackling and howling. Lucifer laughing speaks*

    Lucifer: Franny ya gotta take this show on the road. Yer too funny. Yuda Pope. Whose da Popey. You-da-Popey Franny. High five atcha. Later dude.

    • From Québec says:

      LOL… too funny, Michael. Good one!


      Dring, dring, dring… Pope takes the call.

      NSA: We just intercepted your conversation with Lucifer. Great conversation, by the way!
      But I have bad news, a hacker by the name of Michael B. posted it on the Internet. What do we do now?

      Pope: I’ll ask God

      Dring, dring, dring… God takes the call

      Pope: God we are in deep trouble. A hacker just picked up my conversation with Lucifer and put it on the Internet. His name is Michael B. What do be do now?

      God: I know this guy. Don’t worry about him, he is a socialist. He is for equal poverty for everyone.

      Pope: Whew… what a relief!

  9. Kit Watkins says:

    LOL — I’m laughing so hard I’m crying. Thanks!

  10. Mia Manners says:

    Yep – all the way down the line….

  11. ErnieM says:

    BRILLIANT irreverence–very entertaining!

  12. From Québec says:

    @ Michael Burns

    “I’m for equal poverty, and how did you idea I was a socialist.” (Michael)


    You gotta be kidding me, read some of your posts in previous articles. Is your memory starting to fade a bit or what?

    – You hate our Conservative Prime Minister, Stephen Harper. You say that Big corporations puts in the Conservative Party. Well, now explain to me why he gives tax cuts to small businesses an why he lowered the TPS for everyone else. It makes no sense if you think about it.

    – You hate Alex Jones because he makes money and you hate alternative media because, you say: the first think they ask you is your money. By the way, all of Alex’s movies are free on the Internet. He works 18 hours a day and have a huge business that cost him about 10 million dollars a year to operate. You seem to believe that these people should work for nothing.
    You do not understand entrepreneurship. Even Jon, sells his collection of the Matrix, he is also an entrepreneur. Those are the kind of people that I like and respect. These people work very hard to educate the public and they spend a lot of hours to bring us their findings … but for you, it should all be free (a real socialist way of thinking)… everything should be free.

    – You say: Socialism is based on societal controls, social ownership of resources and wealth, instead of limited ownership under government and corporation and top down control”

    LOL… boy, you are naïve. This is what they sell you, but nothing is further from the truth. I know, I live in a shit hole called socialist Québec. We have roads full of pot holes, our infrastructures are collapsing , overpasses are falling on people and killing them. There is traffic jams all over the place, all day long, not enough higways.
    People go to the hospital and wait 22 hours and more in the waiting emergency room. If someone is diagnosed with cancer, it takes about a year before they can see a specialist for some health care… they have time to die on these long waiting lists.

    Montreal is probably the number One canadian city for homeless people on the street… they are everywhere.
    We have a beautiful Island beside Jacques Cartier Bridge that is supposed to be ours. But you pay a fee to come in, another one for the parking, another one to use the beach, another one to use the swimming pool and so on. After a day you have spend more than a 100$ for a family of three.

    And this stupid province wants to separate from Canada. Hahahah” The second pooress province in the country. They get 9 billions in perequation every year from the rich western provinces. What a shame! And they want to separate? We would be a third world country within 6 months if that ever happens.

    And those idiots want more of the so-called Syrian migrant refugees, when we all know that they are composed of 75% of young men with no proof whatsoever that they come from Syria. They are Jihadists coming to the west to have wealfare for the rest of their lives and to bring terror. So far, every contry they go to, rapes and criminality go up. They are trouble makers. Most countries are now having their military at their borders to prevent them from comming in. But Québec, and you Michael, want some more of them… WTF! You can’t be more socialist then that.
    Wake up Michael, this Refugees thing is an orchestrated scam by the Elites to destroy the West and get their NWO

    These socialists have nationalized our Hydro Québec, (the biggest mistake they’ve ever done). They have no competition. The bureacrats at Hydro are ruthless idiots. You cannot argue with them, they will cut your service, they think they are Gods. In the last 2 years the tarrifs went up by 11% although they make billions surplus profits every year.

    In the winter, at minus 40 degrees Celcius, whenever we have an electrical breakdown it takes them 3 to 5 days before they fix it. Ask the people of Venezuela, what they think of their socialist Hugo Chavez. That brutal dictator ruined their country.

    As far as our two other canadian political parties, they are a complete joke.
    So this is why I still vote for the Conservatives. I know our votes still counts in Canada. I know, because all of my life I have been working at every federal election as a superviser to make sure that the paper ballots are well counted, sealed and then delivered to the central center, where they are open in front of every superviser before the resuls are announced on television, one by one by districts. Canada is not USA yet.

    Of course in USA, I wouldn’t bother voting, a complete waste of time and energy that leeds nowhere. It’s all rigged with the electronic voting machines and the superdelegates BS

    I could go on and on for hours, but I’ll stop here.
    Now you know why I believe you are a socialist.
    And socialism brings equal poverty and misery to everyone.

    You hate succesful entrepreneurs who make money. If that is not the sign of a socialist, nothing else is.
    And, this is probably why you hate Donald Trump. But you know what, I think that so far, he would be the best candidate to fix this broken country that is going down the tube.

    I wrote that very fast and there are problably a hundred language mistakes… so don’t bother about them, just try to understand what I am trying to tell you.

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