Top 10 news stories the day after the election

Top ten news stories the day after the election

by Jon Rappoport

September 9, 2016

(To read about Jon’s mega-collection, Exit From The Matrix, click here.)

One: President Clinton Announces Divorce—

“President Hillary Clinton had divorced her husband, Bill Clinton, several months ago, it was revealed today. And now it appears she has married Gary Johnson, Libertarian candidate, who accrued seven percent of the popular vote—the exact margin of President Hillary’s victory over Donald Trump…”

Two: Newly elected President Hillary will appoint the Clinton Foundation to the post of Secretary of State—

“Why should I veer from a successful strategy,” the new President said. “The Foundation has more connections, and is owed more favors, than any individual on the planet. It owes favors, too, but we get lots of money for that.”

Three: President Hillary will have a mechanical voice box connected to Monsanto-owned computer—

“No more coughing,” she said. “And Monsanto can speak for me on several important issues.”

Four: President Hillary declares war—

“I haven’t decided on the target yet, but it’s coming soon. We may do it as a lottery. A bunch of ping pong balls with countries’ names on them. At this point, what difference does it make?”

Five: President Hillary announces Hunger Games in inner cities—

“Huge numbers of immigrants coming across the border and residents of US inner cities will battle it out for available jobs,” she said. “And I’ll help send more US factories to the Third World, too. We have to think of those people in faraway nations. They need work. “

Six: President Hillary taps gal pal Huma Abedin as next Attorney General—

“Huma is as close to me as any person on Earth,” she said. “Huma will do right by all the oppressed of this nation. You go, girl, or whatever the correct phrase is now.”

Seven: President Hillary prepares mosquito Secret Service detail—

“These are genetically engineered insects,” she said. “They’re designed to stop plants from producing pollen. It’s for my allergies. Wherever I go, the pollen count will drop. After all, I’m now the leader of the free world.”

Exit From the Matrix

Eight: President Hillary loves everyone—

“I love all people, but I’m a ballbuster as well. You need both. I’ll be shutting down several media…what was I going to…I can’t remember. Osama stole the election from me in 2008…I’m meeting with Putin next month and that’ll be something. Watch out. We cannot permit Indonesia to hack into US government emails. Which medicine did I just take? Goddammit, I’ve got people to keep the bottles straight! Where are they? Screwing their brains out in some hotel room?”

Nine: President Hillary vows to elevate women—

“What the former president for black people, that’s what I’m going to do for women now,” she said, laughing without pause for two minutes “If I had a daughter, she’d look like…we don’t have the girl picked out yet, but when something bad happens to her, we’ll move on it. We’ll roll.”

Ten: President Hillary denies Clinton body count—

“Look, everything is connected to everything, so you could make any crime connect to anybody. We’re all in this together. America unified. Level playing field. More love, less hate. So don’t blame me if you end up face down in a landfill.”

Jon Rappoport

The author of three explosive collections, THE MATRIX REVEALED, EXIT FROM THE MATRIX, and POWER OUTSIDE THE MATRIX, Jon was a candidate for a US Congressional seat in the 29th District of California. He maintains a consulting practice for private clients, the purpose of which is the expansion of personal creative power. Nominated for a Pulitzer Prize, he has worked as an investigative reporter for 30 years, writing articles on politics, medicine, and health for CBS Healthwatch, LA Weekly, Spin Magazine, Stern, and other newspapers and magazines in the US and Europe. Jon has delivered lectures and seminars on global politics, health, logic, and creative power to audiences around the world. You can sign up for his free NoMoreFakeNews emails here or his free OutsideTheRealityMachine emails here.

9 comments on “Top 10 news stories the day after the election

  1. Dan Quixoté says:

    And the steeple will accept it without so much as a bleat.

  2. Randy says:

    Hit the nail on the head lol!

  3. n3angus says:

    Here is why we see the Bushes silent on the Clinton Crime Syndicate !!!!!!

    No wonder the GOP elites are bashing Trump !!!!!!

    They and their Institutions are all in on the SCAM !!!!!!

    This is how the Wealth Redistribution that Obama talked about really works !!!!!!

  4. From Québec says:


    1- Putin rigged the election

    2- Null and void the election

    3- Proof that Putin rigged the election

    4- More proofs that Putin rigged the election

    5- Russia quadrupled Trump’s votes

    6- Russia has now erased with a very expansive bleach process, all of the votes

    7- Russia and Trump have destroyed our democracy

    8- Putin is our worst enemy

    9- Let’s start a new Cold War with the Russian.

    10- Better, Let’s start a thermonuclear war with Russia



  5. RAW says:

    Top News Stories day after Hillary’s election Con’t

    11) Breaking News: President Hillary’s severed head seen rolling down the White House lawn! –

    Newly appointed Chief of Staff Huma Abedin appears to be taking her role seriously as fellow staffers expressed grave concern at her sudden transformation into the legendary blue goddess Kali-Ma. The question remains: Can Kali the Destroyer be trusted in the White House, and if not, is there anything we can do about it?”

    12) Bright and cheerful President Hillary aborts all plans to tax the rich –

    “Did you really believe I would tax the top 10%? Psst, I’ve got news for you, have you seen that website called They’re right you know. My biggest donors are in the financial sector and we made an agreement. You see, there’s a famous saying in the middle east – ‘Just because you don’t see any evidence, it doesn’t mean it did not happen”

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